Who is Sassy Batman? Sassy Batman is the Dark Knight with a Los Angeles flair. When he’s not fighting crime on the streets, he’s shopping at H&M for “the next look”. He is the protector of the downtrodden…especially when you wear all white after Labor Day.
Sassy Batman is…”sassy”. He is upfront, keeping it real, and always 100% honest. He is the center of attention, whether you want him to be or not. He never backs down and he always gets what he wants. Even though he’s a detriment to his friends, he still loves them. He’s your SpongeBob. The friend you can never get rid of. Maybe he’s your “Jerry”, that one high school buddy nobody can be around for more than a few minutes. You never tell him where you’re going, but he somehow shows up. Sassy Batman is chic, brazen, bold, insolent, loving, saucy, disrespectful, audacious, and above all, he is Justice. He’s the hero nobody wants, but Los Angeles is getting.
Who is Jessica? Jessica is a star-child, a loving, hipster-esque being. When it rains, she can hear poetry in every drop.
She watches people every afternoon to draw inspiration for her New Wave Picasso-style conceptual paintings. You can find her at a poetry slam reminiscing about life, or in the Soho Art District searching for new graffiti from Bansky. She’s a timid soul who has a hard time saying no, which tends to get her in trouble. She’s been out on a few dates with less than savory men since she doesn’t have the heart to give them the stank-face look.
Even in the worst situations, she tries to see the best. She’s a glass half-full kind of woman, and the glass is painted with rainbows. (Also, it has minty green tea in it!) However, underneath the bubbly, bright exterior she is seething with annoyance. When Jessica reaches her limit, she will explode in a big burst. She’s like a calm river lying atop an active volcano.
She knows she can’t get rid of Sassy Batman, and is afraid to try. She tries to avoid him…but how do you avoid Batman? Jessica learns to adapt to his quirks and sometimes she has no complaints. Whether she wants it or not, Sassy Batman is a constant in her life. Jessica is an honest, loving, bubbly, caring, humble, easily scared, and often naive woman.
Who is Amber? Simple…you don’t fuck with Amber! Amber recites MLK speeches while punching girls in the throat for acting “stank”. She is an intelligent, 100% gangsta woman, with a sprinkle of Langston Hughes, and a dash of Harry Belafonte. She is peaceful about it, but do NOT get it twisted. SNAP! Malcolm X flows through her veins and she’ll be damned if anyone will make her twelve years their slave!
She is a conundrum in heels: a peaceful militant and an intellectual savage. She bests you with fists and mind. Amber doesn’t take no for an answer, and can change your mind without you knowing. She is a strong, independent woman with goals in her life. Be cautious though! She is vindictive, and when she has been wronged…she never forgives, and she never forgets. Amber is a strong, militant, peaceful, protective, vengeful, vindictive, bold, brazen, and intelligent.
Who is Melissa? Melissa is spunk embodied if spunk could metaphorically inject itself with crack cocaine.
She is sickeningly upbeat, positive, and happy. If your dog died on the anniversary of your grandmother’s death, two hours after your wife gave you the divorce papers she would say, “Look on the bright side!” She is intense! She goes 100% in everything she does, especially since she is Batman’s personal fitness trainer. She is here to make sure Batman stays in tip top criminal fighting condition! She takes her job very seriously. She will not let Sassy Batman get off track. Most of all, she is an emotional crutch when Sassy Batman needs a shoulder to cry on.
Who is Catwoman? Catwoman runs this show, and any man who says otherwise will get a fistful of her rage straight to the balls. She is not up for games, and she will whip anyone who crosses her into submission.
She is a boss chick and no one steps up to her without getting knocked down. She is not laughing at your joke. Your shirt looks stupid, and that screenplay you poured years into…honestly sucks. She is blunt, and when something annoys her, you will definitely know. Below her blunt, mean exterior is a tender, loving woman who cares about Sassy Batman. Sassy Batman may act like a petulant, immature, idiotic child, but that is her petulant, immature, idiotic child. He is the first man to love her for more than her body. This means the world to her, and even when they fight she knows he will always be there. That is why no one messes with Sassy Batman, except her. She will protect her territory and snuff out any woman who tries to come into Sassy Batman’s life.